Roommate 101

roommate 101

Searching for roommates when you're looking to save money on living expenses can be a huge hassle. Finding a GOOD roomie/group of roomies, however, is like the search for the Holy Grail. You can end up with freeloading roommates in no time, or you can get kicked out of your place because of your roomies' bad behavior. Or, your eccentric behavior may make your roomies secretly start to hate you and move out, leaving you with a big rent bill all to yourself.

But fear not: you CAN survive searching for and having roommates, if you know these tips beforehand!

Advertise for roommates carefully.

Many roommate advertisements are basic, along the lines of "Looking for roomies at [insert address here]. Contact me at [phone number]." Don't do that unless you're desperate. You'll get all sorts of creeps and freeloaders responding, because some people are just awful.

Instead, post something like "Looking for roomies who are attending [insert college name here]. Apartment is in the [neighborhood] area. Must have a job to help pay rent/utilities. Non-smoker preferred. Interested parties, please contact me at [insert phone number here]." Whatever qualities you're looking for in a roommate, be up-front about them. This may mean you get fewer or even no responses, but it's better than getting stuck with a roommate whom you can't wait to be rid of.

It's not always wise to room with your best friend.

Not doing your own dishes:  Bad Roommate Behavior, volume 1 of 7593

Harsh but true: best friends who room together may not always leave that living situation as best friends. It's happened to good friends of mine, and it's happened to me. Sharing living space may feel "natural" with your best friend at first, but you've probably never lived with them long-term before. You won't necessarily know how messy/clean they are on a daily basis, how they use the common spaces, whether they leave lights on all the time, etc. Plus, there's a lot of pressure to "get along" because you are best friends, even though you might be getting on each other's last nerve. The biggest issue arises when you have disagreements about the shared living space (and you will!); you will be much more frustrated because "they ought to know this makes you mad."

How to fix this? See how to treat roomies!

Meet your potential roommate before accepting.

Have any potential roommates meet you for coffee or something else pretty down-tempo, a time when you both can hang out and relax. The longer you can hang out, the better--otherwise, you won't find out how your personalities really jive. (If they're driving you crazy or offending you after just an hour, how much worse are they going to be to live with?)

But also, keep in mind that this situation can be nerve-wracking for someone who REALLY needs a place to live. To remedy this, ask your potential roomie about their interests, get them talking about what makes them passionate about life--that will ease the conversation and hopefully give you both a better read of each other. Listen more than you talk, and you'll get a lot of good information!

How to Treat Roomies

Draw up a roommate contract.

THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT! It's so important I put it in caps!

Seriously, though, it's great to have one of these. It doesn't necessarily have to be a legally binding document (though it is good to get things in writing), but it helps every roommate start out on equal footing, and takes everyone's feelings and needs into consideration.

A contract can help define all sorts of small things, like when lights should be turned out for the night, or ideal temperature. (One of my roomies in college kept turning off the A/C at night because she was cold...meanwhile, I was roasting! We could have and should have used a contract for that alone!) However, this contract or agreement should also cover what happens if one of you has to move out before the lease is up, how the rent payment should be divided up, whether non-residents are allowed to stay overnight, etc.

HerCampus: Roommate Contract Advice and Template
Legal Encyclopedia: Drawing up a Roommate Contract
RocketLawyer: Roommate Agreement Builder

Do unto roomies as you would have them do unto you.

When you use common living spaces, leave them clean and picked-up when you're finished using them. Nobody likes coming home to a sticky mess, or trying to use a space that's so cluttered you have to clear a path to walk through them. Keep your stuff contained, wipe up spills when they happen, etc., and the apartment/dorm will be a much happier place--TRUST ME!

Also, when you're both home, be considerate of how much noise you're making, especially if your roomie is trying to study or sleep. (One of my roomies in grad school routinely cooked horrible, greasy/splattery food at 3:00 AM with her obnoxiously loud boyfriend, all while the TV was turned up all the way, and neither of them bothered to clean up afterward...let's just say there was a "roommate meeting" convened very quickly!)

Respect your roomie(s)' stuff.

It doesn't matter if your roomie brought dishes for everyone to use, or if they have their personal collection of DVDs in the living room--make sure your activities do not damage their stuff. And, if you accidentally break something of theirs, replace it; don't bother just offering to replace it.

This also extends to locking the apartment when you leave; this is the ultimate sign of respect for their property and yours, that you make sure to secure it before leaving. (If you're not sure whether they have their key or not, call or text them before leaving and make sure they have it before locking up.)

Talk out issues--don't be passive-aggressive.

Hate finding the lights left on all the time, wasting power? Disgusted about the overflowing trash can or stinky laundry hamper? Angry about the sink full of dishes? Don't just leave a mess for your roomie(s) to "teach them a lesson"--clean it up as you normally would, and talk it out IN PERSON later. Passive aggressive notes only go so far, and usually are only funny to outsiders; they often make a tense situation worse. This also goes for the roomie who's noisy at night while the other's trying to sleep, or the roomie who always has somebody sleeping over on the couch, etc.

If a roomie has become suddenly apathetic about helping around the apartment, there may be something wrong, such as family stress, depression, or an underlying illness or addiction. In this case, you can best start caring for them by helping them with the daily chores, and gently asking them later if there's anything else you can do to help. Meet them without guilt and with as much compassion as you can spare, and you might find the solution to the problem together.

However, if said roomie gets angry or resentful that you asked, or if they shut down and refuse to talk at all, it's time to call in a mediator before the problem gets worse. Two or more people can't live together long without communicating civilly. (See: my first college roommate, who moved out in January of our freshman year...I was just as much at fault as she was.)

At least every month, do something nice for your roomie.

This can be picking up or making a favorite snack, or doing some shopping for them so they don't have to later--anything that makes their lives easier or better would be a great idea. If your roomie is a lonely extrovert, perhaps inviting a few of your friends over to meet them could be just the thing to perk them up. If your roomie is an introvert who can't stand you having parties in your apartment, maybe having a party at a friend's place (and even staying over for the night) could help them have "recharge time."

Truly get to know and then care for your roomie, and you'll have a MUCH better living experience. Like it or not, when you live together, you become part of that person's daily life--make it a good part!